What I usually think! ... or do I?

An email made my day. Now 99% of you won't get this post, so move on; the other 1% relish!!! :)

Email from Ammar Zafar

---------- Forwarded message ----------From: Umaer Khalil Date: Dec 18, 2006 4:29 PM Subject: To: Ammar Zafar
man Aqeel is the best VPF ever, never have a seen a man of greater stature. He commands my respect :)

Umaer

P.s I was not put up to this, promise.(sic)

Subsequent Chat with Ammar Zafar

Ammar: do u know what sic means?
me: i always wondered..... never tried to find out
bechara kaafi teesee kar raha hay
Ammar: it somes very natrually to him
no doubt result of army upbringing
me: sic1 /sɪk/ Pronunciation Key -
Show Spelled Pronunciation[sik] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –verb
(used with object), sicked or sicced /sɪkt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled
Pronunciation[sikt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation, sick·ing or
sic·cing. 1. to attack (used esp. in commanding a dog): Sic 'em! 2. to incite to
attack (usually fol. by on). sic /sik; Eng. sɪk/ Pronunciation Key -
Show Spelled Pronunciation[seek; Eng. sik] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA
Pronunciation –adverb Latin. so; thus: usually written parenthetically to denote
that a word, phrase, passage, etc., that may appear strange or incorrect has
been written intentionally or has been quoted verbatim: He signed his name as e.
e. cummings (sic).

Ammar: convo going on right now with umaer about his use of sic:
"me: so how are u using it
Umaer: qouting an error ...verging on sarcasm :)"
there goes his tc:)

me: convo with umaer going on

"me: u havent seen a man with a greater stature?!:o
Umaer: never
me: never ever?

Umaer: other than your worth self , no
worthy*
me: bhains....... yaaar.... i really want to beleive you... i really do!!!

Umaer: :P

me: pata chal raha hay saala lawyer hay!*padaishee lawyer

Umaer: and u a padaishee leader"

Ammar: Umaer: but notice its only with his request(order) for a recommendation, and not with the comments about his vpness

me: yes!!!! thats why im still feeling smug abt it all! :D
oye... brownie points system main VP is tc karnay kay points hain?

Ammar: honay chahiyain

Still!!!!! It made my day!!!

Writing "My Blender Hall of Famer" rather than "My Blunder Hall of Famer", and making it very obvious to the whole world that I am grammatically and spelling-ly challenged

Alfa Romeo Hatchback concept, 3.2 litres V-6, AWD.

Disclamer: There designs are form over function. So dont bother mentioning low clearance, no boot space, or inconvenient entry height!

Where? Sitting next to a very hot person, who was also munching on something.
Situation: Discussing some poem in literature class.
What? Meant to say something else (to the instructor/class as it was a discussion), but said..
"..the author was overtly....sexy... uh.. sexual....uh........"

It seems that my plans for being better-than-the-average joe will going to cost me due to my indecision. Why can't the most important decisions in life are made for us!! Argh! this beautiful little excel file explains the screwups. All the screwups are in red!!

It’s about time I blabbered and embarrassed myself in public again. So there was I, doing my Friday Night Ritual, i.e. flipping through all the channels and then rearranging them, because the cable company usually messes around with channels, which I hate!! I want my channels in a particular order. Anyway, there was another Pakistani channel that I came across, which I guess just started...... and the horror... THE horror.... another YOUTH channel!! Well, not that I am against giving youth the voice, but just they need to be sensible when they are saying it (I am generalizing, of course!!). I mean, I sometimes feel really good when I watch shows like "Living on the Edge" and the "Band tu Bajey Gaa"...It lifts me up that at least I’m better than someone, and that I am not missing anything being not-that-social.

Moving on, thanks to the vast information on the net, and mainly because of the self help programs, I managed to find out that there I have bi-polar depression thing. So, there’s nothing wrong with me as a person, I’m just "sick". Thanks Oprah!

And oh it rained in Lahore today! Beautiful!! And taking a cheap shot at my Karachi friends, I passed, unscathed, through 4 underpasses.

Well, a lot has been said and written about the "worst day in cricket", and a lot would be said. Yet, if you look deep down, the whole incident is...... funny.

I stayed up till 3 in the morning, fixated on Sky News (tabloid style is the best style in "interesting times"), waiting for the news. And I couldn’t help but laughed hysterically the next day as the details became clearer (I didn’t know anything about it, as I don’t watch live cricket that much, apart from the World Cup, and of course when we're winning).

The whole incident was a microcosm of what happens in Pakistan. People not thinking with their heads. I know Hair is an asshole (no offense intended :D) and something drastic needed to be done, but there were better and, in my humble opinion, more awesome ways to show what did the Pakistani team think of that crappy shit (while winning the match of course). "Irritation" is the least used weapon in modern cricket when it comes to umpires. The poor thing would have retired before day 5 ended (I wouldn’t have minded the test ending in a draw, just to prolong the misery).

Anyhow, while going through the BBC's "As it happened" coverage; the highlights

1645: Excitement grows at the ground as the impasse develops. The minutes are ticking by, and Pakistan isn’t budging from their dressing-room. The crowd has started to slow-handclap.

1654: The umpires have walked to the wicket and so have the England batsmen. But still no Pakistan team. In fact, Kamran Akmal is sitting on the balcony reading a newspaper. This one could run and run.

1726: Kevin Pietersen is taking photos of it all with his digital camera while the boos continue. At least someone's enjoying themselves.

1728: Who'll be next to refuse to carry on? Maybe I'll sack this live report off too - throw my keyboard down and return to the BBC dressing-room. Only joking - the drama is incredible.

1730: Apparently a deal had been brokered between the two teams, but no-one thought to involve the umpires. The umpires apparently took the Pakistan no-show to mean that the match had been conceded.
"There are four stewards standing outside the umpire's dressing-room, and they're all big men." Simon Mann, Test Match Special

1807: Those same fans are amusing themselves by constructing the longest pint-pot snake of the summer so far. It's a monster - at least three anacondas in length.

..... btw i dont think that Hair shouldnt be handed another Pakistani test. I think he should. That way, he might have to travel to Pakistan. Yuo can see where its going :)

This morning, I had one of those Eureka moments. I got one of the most innovative ideas that will make our world a better place, and give us more freedom and choice than we never had before.

We hear about all the problems that have been created because of geographical characteristics of different countries. So what’s the solution? Just move the countries! I’m not kidding, just move the countries.

For the brevity’s (and my laziness') sakes I would keep it to a minimum, throwing out many interesting aspects of the plan. I would just give the crux of the plan.

I give a case study of, Northern Ireland. I reckon Great Britain has a threshold of how far Northern Ireland should be from it, in order to be feasible to keep it in the UK. I reckon that outside the circle it would actually be nuisance for GB to keep NI in the UK, where transport costs would outweigh national pride.


So what must Ireland do to reclaim, Northern Ireland (Assuming war is a no-no!)??! MOVE!! Just take out the whole Island to somewhere else, and let the Protestants rot or find their own way home.

We would come to the issue of HOW do we move, but the most important question is, WHERE? Now these are the feasible options that Ireland has.



Option 1, Northern Europe: Still in EU, but freaking freezing cold weather all year long.
Option 2, North America: Would be discounted easily, as it is not only America's strange neighbour, but also Canada's strange neighbour. And THAT would be bad!!!!
Option 3, Africa Region: Even less chance of qualifying for the Football World Cup


So HOW do we do it? Ok, because of the limited intellectual powers of the author, the methodology would only work for the Islands for now, and by now I mean in 10 years when we hopefully have the technology to carry out this. To start out, we would use 8 earth cutting laser beams (can be bought from any Bond villain), and place them strategically around the island. They will start cutting down through the continental shelf (if that is what it’s called), so that the land mass is disconnected from the base. Now trillions and trillions of nano-robots/machine would be injected below the cut, and they would attach themselves to the base of the disconnected island. This would not only provide some distance between the base and the land mass that has been cut, but also would add buoyancy to the land mass. Then we would take out the biggest sail ever seen in the history of man. THEN WE SAIL!

BRILLIANT AIN'T IT??

Imagine all of the countries who want to be in a better strategic position. Australia is a huge wasteland, and is rightfully ignored in each and every matter. This would certainly make them to move. This illustration shows where they would love to move.



Now that they have blocked the opening of the Red Sea, They would need to dig a canal, which would dissect the country from the centre; and that’s good. Being in a tropical area, the whole country would be in a party zone 365 days a year! They will be in control of all the traffic that goes from the west (through the Suez Canal) to Far East. There are some possible problems though.

1. All of us brown people would smuggle ourselves into there, and make it another one of our colonies :P
2. Proximity to the Middle East would make it the next possible hotbed for Al-Qaeda, given the vast emptiness it has!
3. Australia would even win the Cricket's Asia Cup
4. New Zealand would have no one to hate, and would eventually die off.
5. Maldives would be eaten alive